About this resource

Why was this website developed?

Offering support to someone who is experiencing domestic abuse can be really hard. It is common for people to feel confused about what is happening, and to struggle with what to say and do to help. Each situation is different, and sadly, there are no perfect solutions. However, friends, family members, neighbours, and colleagues (informal supporters) have told us that dedicated support for people in their position would be helpful.

This website has been designed with informal supporters in mind. It provides information about domestic abuse, about how you can help, about UK-based services and resources, and about how to look after yourself. Looking after yourself is important, because trying to help in situations of domestic abuse often takes a toll on people.

The website provides honest information, which is based on the views and experiences of informal supporters, survivors of domestic abuse, and professionals. We have included some examples, which are a combination of the experiences that people have shared with us. Some of the examples will be different from your experiences, but others will be similar. We hope that by knowing other people have similar experiences, you will feel less alone.

How was this resource developed?

This resource was developed by Alison Gregory, a researcher at the University of Bristol, with support from:

• Researchers Emma Williamson and Gene Feder
• Project partners Women’s Aid, Hollie Gazzard Trust, and Advocacy After Fatal Domestic Abuse (AAFDA)
• Several members of the public who have supported a friend, family member, neighbour, or colleague experiencing domestic abuse

The content of this website has been informed by findings from three different research studies: On the outside looking in, Supporting the supporters, and Building resilience in the ‘forgotten heroes’. In each of these studies, Alison carried out interviews and focus groups with people supporting female survivors of domestic abuse. Alison wanted to find out:

1. people’s experiences of offering support
2. the challenges and difficulties faced when offering support
3. the impacts on supporters
4. the needs of informal supporters

The people Alison spoke to wanted this online resource to raise public awareness and understanding of domestic abuse, and to equip people with information, tools, and strategies for offering support. They also wanted the resource to help informal supporters avoid ‘burn out’, to cope as they navigate difficult situations, to reduce isolation, increase feelings of strength and agency, and to give people hope.

There was an overall feeling that if friends, family members, neighbours, and colleagues are supported, they are in a better position to offer help.

How to use the website

This website contains information, and makes suggestions about how you can offer support to someone who is experiencing domestic abuse. It is based on the information and experiences that informal supporters, survivors of domestic abuse, and professionals have shared with us. These are suggestions not recommendations – every situation is different, so you need to carefully consider what is right for your situation – both for you AND for the person who is experiencing the abuse.

Why is this resource specifically for informal supporters of women experiencing domestic abuse?

Any adult can experience domestic abuse from a partner, ex-partner, or family member. All cases of domestic abuse should be taken seriously, and each individual given the support they need. Why then, is this website focused on people who are supporting women who have experienced, or are experiencing domestic abuse?

Both men and women experience domestic abuse, but research has shown that women are more likely to experience abuse, and are much more likely than men to experience repeated and severe forms of abuse, to experience coercion and control, to be seriously injured, to fear for their lives, and to be killed.

We also know that women experiencing domestic abuse are much more likely than men to reach out to the people they know (their friends, family members, neighbours, and colleagues) for support.  

For these reasons, the focus of our research has been the informal support of women experiencing domestic abuse. And the content of this resource is based on the findings from this research.

Some of the information provided in this website may be helpful for supporting all survivors of domestic abuse, including men, but other information is specific to supporting women experiencing domestic abuse. Information about organisations and services providing support for women and men who are survivors of domestic abuse is available here.

We would like to sincerely thank all the friends, family members, neighbours, and colleagues of domestic abuse survivors who have contributed to our research, and thus to the development of this resource. Without their time, commitment, and honesty, informal supporters would remain unacknowledged and unsupported.

We also want to thank the organisations who have partnered with us in this work, and the members of the Building Resilience Project Advisory Committee.